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Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Ethinic Parenting Practices - Let's Inflame Stereotypes!

There's a Wall Street Journal article about a Chinese mother and how she raised her children to be star students.  Though she does mention that her practice as a mother does stretch to other ethnic groups, I couldn't help but reflect on my own Korean upbringing.

Her points on raising her own daughters are similar to the conditions that I was raised under as a son.

It paints an interesting picture on the different environments of upbringing from household to household.  I can see how the reaction to grades warrants different responses.  Demanding the best is very different from encouraging the best effort out of kids.  The real difference is in students who push themselves after getting lesser grades versus those who settle for lesser grades and don't put forth the stronger effort to bring their grade up.

It just makes sense to me that a culture that sets self-esteem aside for results is more focused on results rather than on social development (which has its own setbacks).  If all we care about are results, then this is the parenting culture/style/approach we must address for future generations to reach for those results.

When I visited Seoul last summer, I went to check out some bookstores and out of morbid curiosity I checked out some subject test-prep materials (I wanted to see the material written in another language).  There were test prep books that teach AP level biology.  I remember grabbing a book and thinking, "Wow, that's some good stuff they learn."  But my cousin pointed out, "That's a middle school book."  My jaw dropped to the floor.  Her own son was using that AP-level test booklet to prepare to apply for high schools in Seoul.

I know that this article was probably written with the best of intentions in terms of providing insight into the life of  Chinese-American children, but I'm not so sure about it's title since it seems a bit obnoxious and condescending to assume that Chinese mothers are superior because of how they raise their kids.  For all the greatness in their children as students, ultimately what matters is what they make of themselves when the strings are severed (if they're ever severed).

Any thoughts?

Some things I remember from my own upbringing.
  1. Guilt treatment - guilt is punishment enough - sometimes overwhelmingly so (see number 2)
  2. Crying at parent-teacher conferences as a kid for getting a B
  3. Unilateral decision-making hierarchy
  4. Implied love - never explicit
  5. Ironclad curfews
  6. No such thing as 'my' property
  7. Fear of embarrassment paired with guilt treatment
  8. Instruments were mandatory - 1 hour a day minimum practice
  9. Mandatory library trips
  10. Mandatory after school sports or clubs
  11. Going to language school - with little to no success -> more guilt
After reading and writing some of these, I can't seem to agree with this author that putting a child through these experiences makes them superior parents.  I'm sure there are other ways to get the same results without the guilt, fear of embarrassment, or the tyrannical family structure (they just haven't figured it out since they were raised the same way).

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